


Won Sonraun Au

by orangeyouglad8



Series: Oso Kik Thru Ogeda [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, i have no apologies, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:13:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22527637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangeyouglad8/pseuds/orangeyouglad8
Summary: bits and pieces of a life together.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Series: Oso Kik Thru Ogeda [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1620844
Comments: 54
Kudos: 421





	Won Sonraun Au

_one_

The festival has begun in the streets. The lights below dot and decorate the structures, flickering up in the darkness. Pieces and ripples of music and laughter will float their way up to the tower window, not enough to be understood beyond their greater meaning: joy.

Spring has shown its face after a long and dark winter where storms and snow were more plentiful than they had been in years. Her people are happy now, though. On the other side of hardship. With the ground that has softened and the trees that have bloomed and the life that renews. This summer they will have to work hard to replenish their stores and repair their houses, but now, right now, they can relax and be happy.

Lexa should make an appearance. Should walk the streets and join in the revelry even if only for a few moments. There will be food and mead and treats that are only made for this festival celebrating spring.

And yet, she cannot bring herself to move. To do more than observe from afar. There is something that happens to her from time to time in crowds now. Something that was always lurking, but found its way to the surface. She does not know if she will be able to bear it today, already stuck in the cycle of reflection of the past year.

A year that saw more peace and happiness among the clans than ever before. A year that seemed easy, too easy, for all that she fought for it.

For how hard she had to fight to come back to claim it.

There are still times when she cannot believe it. The betrayal that sunk so deep within her most trusted circle. The pain. The heartbreak that was written all over the faces of those she loves. There is a phantom ache that rises up from time to time, so deep in her belly she can do nothing but close her eyes and focus on breathing.

In and out. In and out.

The scar tissue that forms scraggly peaks under her skin is stranger than any of the other scars that mar her body. Clarke's hands find it often. As much as they'd like to forget about all of it, they never will be able to. It is something of a soothing gesture when Clarke's calloused hands set themselves upon it. Lexa can feel something warm inside when she does. Just underneath the skin and burrowing deeper, deeper until it is all she can feel.

"Hey," Clarke says gently, joining Lexa at the window.

"Did Indra send you?" Lexa tilts her head and looks at Clarke. "She was adamant about my joining for a short while this evening."

"No," she replies, somehow even softer than before. Another step and her shoulder is touching Lexa's. Lexa pauses, letting the silence stretch between them. Clarke's head finally comes to rest on her shoulder.

"Did they have those honey sweets you like?" Just the memory of the first time Clarke tried the sticky confections has Lexa's heart fluttering and a smile pulling at her face.

Clarke hums in affirmation. "Come down with me for a little while… I don't like going to these alone."

"Has your crowd of sky people abandoned you so quickly?" Lexa teases. Clarke left the tower this evening with her mother and Raven and a grumpy Octavia who was waiting on Lincoln to be dismissed from his teaching duties.

"Lincoln came down and whisked O away and Raven decided she wanted to get drunk on that honey mead so…"

"So I am your last resort, then?"

"It would seem so…" Clarke tips her head up and nips the underside of Lexa's jaw, as she often does when she's being playful.

Lexa cannot deny her even if she tried. Even if she wanted to. But, she does not. Her hand finds Clarke's and her fingers slot between the spaces where they fit just right and she tugs Clarke closer into her. It has been an odd year for them both, but Clarke has adapted well. And though there are still times where Clarke will cling to her, needing to know that they're both alive, both _here_ , she does not let that hold her back.

Lexa kisses her sweetly. Her thumb rubs absently on the small mark of the Fleimkepa that now resides on Clarke's inner wrist. It has become a habit of hers, though she is not sure who it grounds more: her or Clarke. The scarred skin underneath the ink feels good against the pad of her thumb as she changes the angle of her mouth.

Her free hand rests against Clarke's cheek, holding her there against lips that have not yet had their fill.

She will bear her discomfort in the crowds. She will bear it for Clarke. Always.

"It's really your fault, you know. You shouldn't have enlisted Lincoln's talents in assisting you and Maryl with the education of the youngon." Lexa says it half against lips and pulls away. Clarke rolls her eyes so hard Lexa is forced to bite back a laugh.

"Excuse me if I wanted these kids to learn more than war and strategy."

Lexa drops a kiss on Clarke's nose and whispers, "And our histories."

Clarke grumbles against her. Lexa kisses her again in earnest.

"I'd like to show you that artist. You know? The one that gave me the painted wood last year," Clarke asks, breaking away from Lexa's mouth and curling up in her arms in an embrace that breathes new life into Lexa.

She hums a response, wrapping her free arm around Clarke as Clarke squeezes their fingers together, not letting go. Not even for a proper two-armed hug.

"Perhaps one of these days we should set you up with your own stall." She thinks it out loud more than anything, but it is a thought she has given weight to over the course of a few months. Clarke has been drawing more frequently around the tower, her hands filthy with charcoal dust more often than not. Her time with the natblida has inspired more than their young minds.

She pulls away again to look Lexa in the eye, assesses the truth of the offer. Lexa takes the opportunity to drop another kiss on her lips. "You may have to find a more suitable favorite subject though," she teases.

"Don't want your people seeing all your good sides?" she waggles her eyebrows and Lexa wishes she didn't find it so damn endearing. Clarke, it would seem, is her weakness in so many ways.

She rolls her eyes instead and pokes Clarke in the belly and relishes in her squeal with a wicked grin of her own.

"Come on already, I want you to get to know Murphy." Clarke tugs.

"He'll be here for the next month with Roan, Clarke. I will have plenty of time." She plants her feet, enjoying the game.

Clarke lets out an exaggerated sigh that ticks up at the end on a fabulous whine. "You know that doesn't count, it'll be too formal after tonight."

"Not everything I do is formal."

Clarke must hear some tone in her voice. Some actual hurt, because she steps back into Lexa's space. "I know you hate crowds even more now," she whispers.

 _Anxious._ It was a word Clarke said more than once before Lexa asked for its meaning. Since everything that happened last year, crowds of people, even those in celebration, make her uncomfortable. Clarke simply named it.

She nods and swallows, suddenly feeling heavy.

"I will be with you the whole time but if you'd rather not go we don't have to go." She shrugs. Lexa knows she means it - Clarke does not make empty offers. And a resolute determination colors her features.

Lexa squeezes the hands that still hold hers. "You promised me sweets this morning…"

A brilliant flash of happiness beams off Clarke. Lexa's heart thuds in her chest. She suddenly finds herself more than ready to attend the festival for a short while and take part in the celebration.

"As soon as you're ready to come back here, we'll come back." Clarke holds eye contact until Lexa nods.

"Yes, and then we can discuss what else I was promised this morning," she smirks.

_five_

There are times when Clarke will wake beside her. Wild and gasping. Sweat drenched on her forehead and her eyes wide.

She will grab for Lexa in those first few heartbeats. Sometimes not believing that Lexa is there, though she can feel her. See her. Hear her.

The worst times are when she cries. Full sobs that Lexa can do nothing to stop. Nothing but hold her and talk in gentle whispers.

In the end, Clarke always believes.

It's like that for both of them. The nightmares. They happen less often now, in the five years since.

But once in a while.

Lexa has them, too. Shivers of pain will run up her spine and she will have to look, check that there are no wounds on her. No gushes of her black blood against the skin of her stomach.

Clarke's hands are always steady.

And then there are the nights when sleep does not come.

Those nights are more frequent for Lexa, always have been. Thoughts running endlessly through her mind. Choices. Mistakes.

 _Insomnia_. Clarke named it. _It's fairly common in people who have suffered trauma or severe distress._

It was almost amusing to Lexa. The way Clarke so clinically explained what had ailed her for longer than she would have known.

 _I have those nights, too_. She offered with a shrug. As if Lexa didn't know. Couldn't feel the tossing and turning beside her. Didn't see the dark look to her eyes the following days, of the slow and sluggish feel of her.

Oh, how they've both been scarred.

So, this time when Clarke sits up fully in their bed her breathing rapid and her skin soaked with sweat, Lexa stirs immediately. She almost expected it. Clarke's spells are more prone to happen when they travel, and though they are almost home and in a familiar stretch of forest, Lexa is not surprised.

"Clarke," she barely says the name. Just loud enough to span the short distance. She learned fairly quickly just how to react to this occurrence.

Clarke takes a deep ragged breath. A sob gushes from her mouth and she throws her hands up to stop it. To keep it in. Lexa sits up gently- a hand placed softly on Clarke's back, so as not to startle her. Her skin is damp.

"Breathe," she offers. "I'm here." Her own heart breaking in this moment. She focuses on the way Clarke's lungs expand inside the ribs beneath her hand. Getting deeper and deeper with each try.

"Thank you," is all Clarke says after a few long moments. She tilts her head and finds Lexa, a grateful look on her face. Lexa drops a kiss on her shoulder and rests her forehead there. She traces the ink on Clarke's back. A pattern her hand has traced countless times around the symbol that rests at the top of Clarke's spine in between her shoulder blades: the clan sigils of _Trikru_ and _Skaikru_ twisted into something new, something different, that Clarke had fashioned herself. A new sigil in its own right.

Lexa has marked herself with it, too. Though _Heda_ should not favor any clans above the others this one is not for anyone else to see. Means more than clan allegiance. Means more than arbitrary rules set by those who held power decades ago. Not that she's followed as many of the old traditions since she returned - and she lives free from any reprimands to the contrary with the Flame still as silent as ever. She wonders for what feels like the millionth time why it is still living inside her. Tries to tamp down the urge to explore what it would feel like to remove it.

Her finger traces the pattern again, and again, and she almost feels it on her own skin.

The new sigil resides where it cannot be seen unless she is naked - a marker for Clarke.

For them.

"I forgot how bad those are," Clarke mumbles. Her voice is still shaky and she takes another shuddering breath, wiping at her cheeks and her eyes. Lexa kisses her shoulder again.

"It is good that they're less frequent now," Lexa moves closer now, brushes the hair that has escaped Clarke's braids during the journey off her face and behind her ear. Her hair is shorter now, though the handmaidens still find ways to pull it back into intricate knots. Clarke nods and sighs. She pulls her legs up to her chest and rests her head on them, turning to focus on Lexa. "It's almost dawn, we could get a head start on the road and be home before midday. Everyone else can catch up."

It's not an empty offer. Lexa is itching to get back to Polis, did not want to stop for the night but the horses and the new members of their caravan needed the rest.

Clarke makes a noncommittal noise. She grows steadier with each breath. Her eyes begin to settle on Lexa's features. She leans into Lexa's space and kisses her, and though it is not something Lexa would have initiated with Clarke in the state she was in, she allows it. Relaxes into it. Gives Clarke whatever she needs in this moment.

Clarke's knees extend back down and she reclines slowly against the bed, leaving room for Lexa to follow.

"Clarke?"

"I need you, I need you." is whispered against her lips and into her mouth and Lexa feels it deep inside her. "I need to know you're still here," Clarke gasps.

Lexa pulls herself as far away as Clarke will allow, which is barely inches. It must have been one of those nightmares. "I'm here," she says and settles on top of Clarke and reminds her just how real this is.

Xx

They still left the camp before the others began to wake. The sky turned to the last shade of blue-gray right before the hints of a new dawn began to show at the edges of the world. Clarke, relaxed and smiling though tired, had kissed Lexa deeply before they left the tent to find Luka and Aden. A satisfied hum against her mouth and hands firmly on the lapels of Lexa's overcoat signaling she was not free to go until Clarke decided.

It brings a smile to her face now as they ride steadily home.

Again that itch, that yearning for freedom, true freedom, floods through her.

This time she does not push it down or away. She welcomes it, studies it, gives it the space that it craves.

They reach an opening in the trees and Lexa throws a look over her shoulder at Aden - a challenge alive in her eyes as she spurs her horse faster through the gap and into the wide field that spans before them. She hears a shout but the meaning is lost in the wind rustling past her ears and the huffs of breath beneath her. The adrenaline courses through her veins as she lets go, gives her horse as much as he wants and feels her own heart take flight.

Xx

The tips of Aden's ears and the back of his neck flush red as their small retinue approaches the base of the tower. Maryl and Indra are waiting dutifully outside, ready to report out on any events Lexa will need to know occurred during her absence. Clarke laughs under her breath beside Lexa as Aden fumbles with the knife at his belt and tangles himself in reins while handing his mount off to be washed and fed.

In front of Maryl, it would seem, the boy loses all grace and composure. A pile of long, gangly limbs that still have not lost their teenage awkwardness though he is getting closer to twenty summers, and red cheeks that his light hair and complexion do nothing to help hide.

Clarke steps closer to Lexa. A presence felt. Her body attuned to Clarke's in ways that she will never be able to comprehend or untangle. Maryl greets her teacher with a slight bow of her head. If there is a greeting for Aden, Lexa does not see it.

"I see you kept the place standing," Clarke jokes. Lexa would roll her eyes if they were not in view of the public, the people. As the years have passed and as Clarke has grown more comfortable with her life, with her role, her snarky humor has found a breath of fresh air.

"I'm not quite sure how we managed to do so in your absence, Wanheda," Indra answers. Her dry tone not lost on Clarke, who leans her head back with a howl of laughter. Lexa is flooded with relief and the vice around her chest loosens even more. Clarke appears to have shaken off much of what plagued her in the night.

Xx

Indra waits until they're alone in the throne room. "Your light mood would imply the threat was overstated?"

Lexa pauses for a moment. The skirmish at the border of the clans wasn't large enough to be _something_ , but it was not _nothing_. "I believe if it was not brought to my attention in a timely manner it would have developed."

"And did _King_ Roan have any further explanation for how it escaped his knowledge long enough for your involvement to become necessary?"

At this, she glares. "Azgeda is large. His scouts have proven themselves talented enough, though he has assured me he will recruit and train more." She leaves out the more _diplomatic_ side of her visit with Roan. That Nia depleted his core of warriors, guards and scouts so deeply that his attempts have not pulled in the numbers necessary to provide for true protection of the people.

"I assume Wanheda will fill in the details you seem happy to leave out?"

Another glare along with a heavy sigh. She sits on her uncomfortable throne exhausted and sweaty and wishing she could retire to her rooms for the remainder of the day. "It was handled and it will continue to be handled. We've shifted our own scouts closer temporarily as backup."

"At least we will be getting quicker alerts." Indra pauses. "And what of the sky people who were involved?"

"Working on the side of the coalition. Two were injured," Lexa answers plainly. A development that left her hopeful that this union of earth and sky had truly taken root. "It would seem that the numbers of Azgeda who call themselves loyal to Nia and the old ways have dwindled to a capacity so low that this was their last stand to gain a foothold."

"They had a foothold. They lost it when their ruler challenged everyone."

Lexa ignores it and Indra knows better than to repeat it. "In the coming days I will need your help choosing which of our scouts will be sent to the border. I also believe we should take an active role in assisting Roan with training and recruitment." If they're more active again it will show off the true strength not only of the coalition, but Lexa's trust and belief in Roan.

"Of course, Heda."

"How were things here?" Though related by blood, Indra will be nothing but honest in her appraisal of Maryl's work in the tower as Fleimkepa while Clarke was traveling. Lexa can trust that the assessment will be the truest picture.

Besides, Indra has never been one for flowery praise over anyone.

"Everything ran as smoothly as if you and Wanheda were still present, Heda."

Clarke wasn't concerned with it while they were away, but Lexa knows she can be colored by her loyalty. Maryl has been her right hand. Both her student and her partner in duties. As Maryl holds her own with more responsibility, the more Clarke will be able to transition to her formally.

Then she will be able to travel with Lexa more often. Build up her diplomatic role and take a more active part in the politics that will never fully go away.

"I'm glad to hear it. We had no doubt." If Indra does brighten a little at the response, Lexa ignores it.

Maryl was always exceptional.

Xx

Clarke is not yet in their rooms when Lexa enters, stripping off her blades before she is fully inside. Her coat lands in a heavy heap on the couch and the furs on the bed call to her. She collapses face down on them and is asleep before she has fully settled.

Gentle tugging on her boots is what wakes her. Clarke's presence has joined her on the bed and she sits at Lexa's feet, stripping off shoes and socks and patting Lexa's legs as she stands.

"You tracked mud all over," she says quietly, lying down on her side of the bed facing the ceiling. Lexa yawns into her pillow, not yet ready to be awake. Clarke shifts and begins rubbing her back.

"How are you feeling," she half mumbles, her face still obscured and sleep coating her tongue.

"A little on edge, but better. Are you going to sleep through the night or would you like some food brought up?" She speaks so softly when it's just the two of them. It is one of Lexa's favorite things.

"Food." She inches closer to Clarke. She has no more desire for sleep, not right now, but she is not nearly ready to leave this moment.

They take each other in. Take stock. Everything in her life, in her teachings, in her bones would have told her that this, these moments, this vast amount of love, was impossible.

Was not meant to be hers.

They were wrong.

It was all wrong.

And she knows.

She knows.

Now is the time.

"I'd like to remove the Flame. It hasn't come back in all this time. I will still carry it, but it does not need to be inside me. I have to move on."

Clarke's eyes widen at the admission and she gets even closer to Lexa. "If you're sure."

"I am." She nods once.

"Your scar tissue is so thick… I'm not sure it will jump out cleanly."

Lexa takes a deep breath. "I trust you, Clarke. We will put it in the box you carried it in until it's time for someone else to have it."

Clarke grabs her face and kisses her, deep and crushing. And again, and again. Not letting go. When she does, she locks onto Lexa's eyes and doesn't blink. "Now?"

"I've made my decision," she states quietly. Not afraid to acknowledge it any longer.

"Quia nunc vale," Clarke says it clearly, firmly. Lexa hears something inside of her head, feels the Flame push itself out of her neck in a burst of pain and then it is done.

Clarke holds it up between them, black blood on her fingers.

"Are you alright?"

She smiles. The weight that was on her shoulders dissipates. The lingering disappointment, loneliness. It is just her now.

Them.

Alone in this together.

"I am."

_seven_

There is a certain happiness that exudes off Raven. It happens more and more frequently - or Lexa is just getting better at discerning it. Raven has always been hard for her to read. Guarded in ways that seem to change as often as the sun in the sky, acerbic and witty in a manner that Anya would have both loved and loathed in equal measure, and completely brilliant. Not that Lexa really ever knows what she's talking about. Both the speed in which her mind moves from one topic to the next, jumping around, and the subjects that Lexa still grapples with, leave her in a world all her own.

It's not just Lexa though. Clarke has made it known, as have the other sky people that Lexa finds herself in near-constant contact with. Raven is someone who stands apart from the pack.

Lexa's still not sure why Clarke enlisted Raven to be one of the individuals involved in teaching the natblida, but she cannot deny the way Raven seems to come to life with young inquiring minds in front of her.

She leans against the cool stone wall in the back of the large room watching the scene unfold. Raven has been talking about how the energy from the solar panels that were pulled from the Ark and placed around Polis, as well as several other larger villages, works to power what it has been selected to funnel into.

It is a concept that took Lexa some time to understand, though she was given the benefit of Clarke. And though she would never consider herself as adept as any of the skaikru when it comes to knowledge of their technology, she is leaps and bounds ahead of any of those from the ground.

The slight background knowledge from both the teachings left behind by Pramheda as well as the old memories playing out in her head she was privy to for so long helped. Set the base for this new layer of knowledge that has been blooming since the skaikru joined the coalition.

When Raven pauses to ask if anyone has questions, several hands shoot up patiently waiting their turn. The act alone warms Lexa's heart and offers so much hope for the future. They've been able to build up a good foundation of yongon over the past few years and Clarke has made it her mission to give them as much knowledge and wherewithal to lead long, fulfilling lives.

Lexa spent much of her younger years training and studying battle strategy, histories of war, negotiation tactics. Nothing like this.

There was no life offered like this.

She has already lived longer than more than a dozen Commanders before her.

Raven answers the questions in a gentle way that Lexa wasn't sure was entirely possible given her usually gruff nature. She has offered several quick glances in Lexa's direction, though makes no move to shorten her lesson or bring attention to the fact that Heda has been observing from the back of the room for some time.

It is only when they've reached the end of their allotted time that she appeals to Lexa. "Any questions, Heda?" There's a glint in her eye that's familiar in a way that makes Lexa's chest ache. The missing pieces of her dear friend, her mentor, gape like a broken window. The natblida all straighten up as soon as they realize she's in their midst. Their backs straighten out and they work on looking more proper. It's a transformation that always amuses her - and why she loves observing them without their knowledge. She shakes her head no at Raven's question and greets each natblida as they stream out the door to their next lesson.

"Checking up on me?"

"I like to observe what the natblida are exposed to from time to time," Lexa answers coolly.

"Chill out, Commander, I was joking. I know." Raven rolls her eyes and joins Lexa near the door.

Lexa relaxes. "Are they always this inquisitive with your topics?"

"Yeah, they have a ton of questions and never look bored. Same with the lessons I give from time to time in the villages - everyone wants to understand this."

"Thank you. For taking the time to teach them."

The look she receives is genuine. Though Raven's personality may leave her true intent hidden from time to time, Lexa learned how to tell when she's surprised Raven in a good way. It was a slow, steady climb to even get Raven to relax around her after everything that occurred between them when the skaikru crashed to earth. Clarke has worked hard to mend what could be mended. They've come to a sort of… detente most of the time. Unless Lexa has done something to anger Clarke and then Raven's attitude comes back full force. There have been no misunderstandings over where loyalties lie.

"It's nothing," Raven says, trying to shrug her off and starting down the hallway.

"Raven," Lexa calls. Raven takes a few steps, just to show she can, because the skaikru close to Clarke have always taken a few liberties, before she stops. "It is not nothing."

"Yeah, but it's not for you." She seems shy. So unlike herself.

"I know."

She starts down the hallway and Raven falls into step beside her. They walk in silence for most of their journey until the lift comes into view. "Do you think I could add more?"

"Lessons?"

"Yeah, I mean. I've only really covered some of the basics that really affect the kids and the villages… like, things everyone can see. But there is a lot more I could fold in, slowly."

"I'm sure. I think that would be welcome. If Clarke agrees."

"Clarke?"

Lexa smiles, more to herself than anything, but something shared and secretive blooms between her and Raven. "Wanheda has a vice-like grip on the education plans of our yongon. Not much gets by her."

She smirks at the look on Raven's face. "Seriously?"

A laugh escapes before she can tamp it down, "You've met Clarke, yes?"

Xx

Clarke enters the room in a hurried fluster, eyes bright and cheeks red from the cold. The tip of her nose calling out for a warm, gentle kiss from Lexa's lips. Lexa looks up from her reading tablet with a smile from the couch, ensconced herself under furs with a cup of very hot tea resting on the table.

Clarke shivers and stamps her boots before working the laces and climbing out of them. The worn and woven scarf she unravels from around her neck, a blue that brings out her eyes, gets tossed on the table perilously close to Lexa's cup of tea.

"You'd think I'd be used to this fucking cold by now," she grumbles and nudges Lexa's legs to make room for herself under the furs.

Lexa smiles and huffs out a small laugh as her heart fills as it always does when Clarke is near. The same stutter pattern that she hasn't gotten used to and doesn't ever want to. The smell of winter, of frost, lingers on Clarke's coat, in her hair. The chill can be felt.

Clarke's fingers are ice when she slides against Lexa, burrowing for warmth, energy. Lexa drops a kiss at her temple as she flinches against the cold hands that will not stop moving against her warm skin.

"Would you like some of my tea?"

A cold nose finds her neck. A harrumph against her skin an answer. Lexa hums her own reply and runs her hand up and down Clarke's back as she wiggles closer and closer to Lexa. The tablet gets adjusted and she picks up from where she left off. Using it to read was an odd adjustment and she hasn't quite fully acclimated to it yet, but after observing Raven's lesson today she was inspired.

And has been lucky to have access to the limited tablets available. Clarke's position on the Ark came with perks all it's own.

"What are you reading?" Clarke tilts her head and adjusts herself. The buckles of her coat dig into Lexa's side but she doesn't dare move, too enamored with her life at this very moment.

"A very odd book," she answers quietly, not willing to put it down.

"Odd, huh?"

Lexa smiles and pokes Clarke in jest. "Two colors writing each other increasingly romantic letters through time travel isn't odd to you?"

"I love that one. Who doesn't love an epistolary romance?"

"I know you love it, that's why I'm reading it."

Clarke pops her head up and beams. "You're really cute sometimes, you know?"

"You like to tell me that." She keeps her mask of indifference up for a beat before it melts away into a wide smile. Clarke leans down and kisses her, cold nose against warm cheek.

"You're still cold," Lexa breathes against lips, slides her hand in Clarke's hair and keeps her close.

"Wanna warm me up?" Those eyes brighten again as Clarke moves away to get a look at her before focusing again on Lexa's mouth.

"Gladly."

Clarke giggles as she maneuvers herself off of Lexa and the couch, putting the tablet aside and pulling Lexa up with her. The next time Clarke's lips are on hers it is with that familiar, steady hunger. Intimate and worn yet intoxicating. Lexa strips Clarke's coat off and it falls to the floor with a thud. The sweaters underneath slide off just as easily, though Clarke's skin is cool to the touch.

They make it to their bed in an easy dance, their mouths only parting to remove clothing or to find patches of skin aching to be kissed. Lexa can taste the winter air that flickers off Clarke with every movement. Replaces it with her own scent. Her own being.

They sink onto the bed and Lexa covers Clarke's body with hers, inches her closer to the pillows, to comfort. Her left hand winds around Clarke's thigh, holding the constellation that Clarke inked on herself. Her father's favorite.

"Lex?"

"Clarke," she answers, pulling lips from the dip in Clarke's collarbone.

She bites her lip, eyes off to the side for a beat in that way that she does when she's a tiny bit shy. "Can we get under the covers?"

Lexa doesn't dare try to stop the laugh that bubbles up her throat.

"Of course, my love."

Xx

"I observed Raven's lesson today. The natblida were fascinated." Clarke's fingers trail along her skin and a sated smile resides on her face.

"Of course they were, Raven is impossibly cool."

"I'd like her to offer more lessons. Get more detailed…the little we've exposed the natblida to has already helped their training. Adding more could prove increasingly beneficial."

"Who came up with this idea?"

"Raven mentioned it, but it is not unwanted. I think developing this side of their education program will only invest in our futures."

"I'm proud of her," Clarke says softly. Turns her body more to Lexa and inches her face closer. "I know things haven't always been easy with her… the fact that she brought that up is huge."

"I agree. I told her I'd discuss it with you. I am open to the idea if you are. Perhaps in time we can provide more training in this area to all. Have her teach here until the winter relents and then perhaps some workshops in some of the villages closest to Polis. Clan members can travel to attend if they'd like."

Clarke kisses her gently. "You've put a lot of thought into this."

"I had plenty of time to think this evening. Lots of quiet. No chatty sky girl hanging around."

The answering eye roll she receives from Clarke feels like a small victory. "Too bad that sky girl knows just how much you enjoy her chatty company."

"Too bad, indeed." Lexa twists her leg and slides on top of Clarke, propping herself up so she is just out of reach. Tendrils of hair fall out of her messy braids only to be pulled back behind her ears by Clarke's gentle fingers. She turns her head and kisses a palm before it lands on her hip.

"And how was Madi today?"

"I think she's almost ready to join us. She asked a few questions and I can tell she's interested, she's just too stubborn for her own good."

"Do you expect otherwise? Coming from the Dead Zone it is a wonder she trusts you at all."

"I just want to get her here. I want her to meet you, to see this place. To be around the other natblida. I'm so tired of going out to that hovel in the woods and acting like it isn't colder than space outside."

"I thought you said space was the coldest thing in the universe? What about all your rants about the importance of layering? I believe you told me one this morning." The glare on Clarke's face is worth it, so worth it. Lexa laughs and Clarke tugs on her hair. "Just be patient with her, she'll come around."

"I know, but I swear, Lexa, she is so much like you. It's almost infuriating."

"Yeah, but you like me," at this she lowers herself fully on top of Clarke as if to remind her just how much.

"Sometimes," Clarke answers. When Lexa rolls her hips the gasp in her ear is confirmation enough.

_ten_

She's waiting by the fire, staring into the flames as they flicker and pop. The warmth filling up what the brisk wind waging war against the tower has numbed, slipping in through cracks and broken glass windows, and down drafty hallways. Autumn barging through so slyly at first she's not even noticed. Not until the crisp chill in the air and the tempestuous weather signal her arrival and it is already too late to mourn the summer that has been lost.

Clarke comes in the room as she always does, bringing it to life even in doing nothing spectacular at all. If she notices the way Lexa's jaw is set, how her shoulders are tense as she stands by the hearth, she says nothing.

Lexa waits.

Boots hit the ground and buckles clink and clatter as jackets are removed.

"Clarke." There's an edge to her voice even she hears. Does not attempt to dull.

"Oh, is this at me?" Out of the corner of her eye she watches Clarke stand and step closer, cocking her hip.

"Make no mistake, this is at you." Finally, she turns her head as she addresses Clarke.

Clarke's eyebrow raises in that way it does when she's assessing. "Would you care to enlighten me?" There's a slight mocking.

Lexa squares herself off. "Would you care to tell me the results of the test on Octavia's child?" And there, just there, Clarke's expression falters and her face pales. "I had an interesting conversation with Maryl today. It would seem that the child was not tested though she has lived through her first year. Unless, for some reason, she was mistaken?"

"I can't fucking believe you." Clarke's face flashes with that dangerous anger, the ice daggers she can unleash so easily. "That was low even for you, _Heda._ " The way she drags the title out between her teeth sets Lexa on edge.

"Clarke." It is another warning.

"So instead of talking about this like adults, you're just going to throw accusations around and pick a fight?" She crosses her arms. Lexa takes a deep breath and places hers behind her back.

A rage rises up, spurned on by Clarke's bitter words. She tried to temper it. "I'm attempting to address you as an adult and as the Fleimkepa. You've refused to answer my question."

"It seems like you already know the answer," she spits it back out. "Nice of you to use your position to outrank me with my own protege. And, don't even try to say this is official business, Lexa. If it was official business you'd be asking me in front of the council."

"I do outrank you. I'm not addressing this before the council for your sake."

"Oh, please. That's fucking bullshit."

"It is against _all_ of our traditions and laws to withhold the information, identity, and location of a _natblida_ from Heda." She flares and emotion takes over. Anger carries her closer and closer to Clarke, her voice rising with every word. All of the emotion she's been holding on to for the afternoon, stewing and stirring in her belly is pouring out. "It is among your most sacred duties, as bound by the oath you chose to take, and yet you sit there and defy it so openly, even in private."

"You're going with duty? _Really_?"

"Yes, I'm going to remind you of your role. The path you chose."

"The path I chose was with _you_ , Lexa. To lead _with_ you. Don't throw this back at me."

"I'm not throwing anything back at you besides your disregard for our traditions. Why did you not test the child?"

" _I don't know_ ," Clarke roars. Guttural and raw. She stands before Lexa, face flushed, breathing heavily. Her eyes are wild and Lexa's anger slows back to a simmer. Clarke has gotten closer to her, and Lexa takes the last step that separates them. "I don't know."

"Yes, you do." She's quiet now, wanting the answer more than anything. Wanting to get this over and done with so they can embrace and forget the ugliness. "Tell me, Clarke."

"I'm fucking terrified, okay?"

"Terrified? Of what?"

"Of knowing. I already suspect it - based on the color she was when she was born. I don't want to know for sure."

It raises Lexa's hackles. She sighs. "You don't want her to be a _natblida_?" Clarke's eyes find the floor as she shakes her head. Now, it would seem it is Lexa's turn to feel the sting of betrayal. She turns away from Clarke and crosses the room, unsure of what to say. Unwilling to say anything anyway, feeling the heaviness Clarke's statement lays on her shoulders.

Clarke has the sense not to join her. Not to speak. Just to let it hover.

Lexa can feel her staring. Watching. She does not bend.

They have learned much of each other in the ten years they've shared. How to build a life together, how to grow, to speak, to support, to fight.

To love.

And yet, there are still vast canyons between them. Not many. And they are not often found. But, a select few remain. To be minded, to be avoided.

Somehow, with the birth of a child not at all random yet not even their own, they find themselves in the midst of one of the largest.

This is what it means to share your life with another. The one thing Lexa was most unprepared for in her existence.

"I'm sorry." Clarke's apology is heartfelt and heavy with tears. Lexa takes another deep, deep breath and lets it all out. She turns slowly - taking it all in. Clarke stands with her hands at her sides looking defeated. Two of the bands of ink that circle her right bicep can be seen poking out from the sleeve of her shirt. Goosebumps prickle her skin and she shivers. A few tears trickle slowly from her eyes. "I'm sorry, Lex."

It breaks Lexa's heart all over again. She is across the room again in a flash sweeping Clarke into her arms. They cling to one another overcome with the raw emotions that still hover around the room. Clarke's tears dot Lexa's skin as she cries. Lexa tightens her hold, buries her head in the space between neck and shoulder.

What neither of them have yet admitted out loud rings through Lexa's ears aching to be spoken.

The event they've all waited for has finally arrived.

Octavia's child will be the first natblida born of the skaikru.

Xx

They don't talk about it again. Not right away.

But it rears up as they settle in bed after a tense evening of working hard not to set each other off. Lexa stares at the ceiling and feels it all come rushing back, coiling around her muscles and working her jaw while Clarke washes up. When she finally slides beneath the furs the space between them could be miles.

And then they're both staring at the ceiling.

"Just say it," Clarke says, weary.

"I do not wish to fight with you again, Clarke."

"So we won't fight."

Lexa scoffs. "You say that as if it's easy."

"Well, not with that attitude."

Silence again. If Lexa does not say it she feels as if she will burst. "You don't want her to be like me."

And then it is there. Spoken into the world.

Clarke shifts until she is facing Lexa with an expression so broken that slices through her. "No, no, you're wrong, Lexa. You're so wrong." She reaches out and places a warm hand on Lexa's face, tilting her head so Lexa can see the truth. Fingers brush stray hair off her face and behind her ear. "If she is anything like you it would be a gift."

"Then why are you so scared of her truth? You, the Fleimkepa, who has spent the past years teaching them, knowing them. You know them and love them, Clarke. You care for them more than any Fleimkepa I have ever seen." Her voice breaks and she pauses. "You love _me_ , you live with _me_."

Clarke's expression morphs into one that holds so much love it almost causes Lexa's heart to stop cold in her chest. She leans forward and kisses her. There is so much emotion in her kiss it crashes over Lexa in waves. She takes a staggering breath against Clarke's mouth and parts her lips, allowing Clarke to deepen the kiss.

When they finally break apart they both have tears in their eyes.

"I love you more than I knew was possible," Clarke says, kissing the tears off her cheeks. "It scares me, how much I love you."

Lexa brings her mouth back against her own and tastes the words on Clarke's tongue. With each moment and each kiss, the fight wanes. Melts away. Soon they will be tangled up in each other, weaving back together the threads that frayed with words and truths laid bare.

"I worry about what we've built… What if they…" she stops and gathers her thoughts. She props her head on her elbow, a bit of space between them again. Room for this last admission. "It was so hard to integrate the skaikru. I honestly can't believe it took this long for us to produce one," she pauses and chances a worried glance down at Lexa's hand. Picks it up and threads their fingers together. "Especially since most of the implants have been removed," she tacks on, more to herself than Lexa. It is a word she's used before, and Lexa is familiar with the concept even if she is not comfortable with it. So much of their life together has been about not only learning but understanding their histories as much as they can.

Clarke toys with Lexa's fingers for long moments. Her brow is still furrowed and her mouth a thin line. "What if she's not accepted?" Clarke looks up and her expression pierces Lexa. There are tears gathering at the corners but they do not fall. " What if everything we've built comes crashing down? All that work. Everything. We made it here and it could all fall apart. And it's _her_. This little baby came into the world and grabbed a hold of my heart. She's innocent of everything - doesn't even comprehend yet how she is different. Special. I don't want the world to make her ugly. To disown her..."

Lexa kisses her fingers and pulls Clarke closer wrapping her arm around her waist. "Then we will fight as hard as we need to in order to make sure that does not happen, my love." She holds Clarke's eyes until she can see the fear abate to resolve. "But first, we need to know for sure."

Clarke nods, her nose brushing against Lexa's. "I know."

It is the last they speak of the matter for the night choosing instead to busy mouths and hands with other things. The only words spoken now hushed and breathless. The only emotions spilling between them are those ephemeral yet real. A burning deep, deep between their souls that can never fully be quenched, but, instead, built up, bigger and brighter with every touch.

She will always, always burn for Clarke.

Xx

The din around the table is surprising. The ambassadors are never this talkative, jovial, at the end of the summit. It must be the new brew provided by the skaikru. Whiskey, they called it. It appears to be a success from the red faces and bright mood around the room.

With Clarke sat next to her at the table, sharing small insights and remarks to the conversation around them, it is the most time they've spent together all week. Both of their duties keeping them apart during the summit. Wanheda's presence was key to several new trade deals, working her negotiation magic she brought more than one disinterested and stubborn party to the table to hash out conflict.

While Lexa was more than pleased with the outcomes, she's missed Clarke. No more than passing ships in the night, barely even sleeping together for longer than a couple hours at night. She is more than ready for the summit to conclude. To have her routine back.

To have Clarke back.

She catches Aden's eye at the other end of the long table, another key part to the success of the summit. He sits next to two very chatty members of the Podakru who appear to cut him off every time he opens his mouth in conversation.

Just looking at him there makes her brighten with pride at the scene, at who he's become. Wonders if Anya ever felt this way observing her. The promising second.

She offers him a soft nod and returns to her meal, savoring the richness of the food on display for these special occasions.

"My mother suspects another skaikru natblida," Clarke whispers nonchalantly around a bite of potato. Her eyes slide over to Lexa's profile. Weeks later and it's still a bit of a touchy subject. "The baby born yesterday. Tris' boy."

So half skaikru.

"The coloring?"

"Yeah, and I guess she said the umbilical cord looked darker than normal, which I didn't notice with O but, I was a little distracted I guess."

Lexa takes a sip of her tea and nods, trying to hold back the question she can't stop thinking.

"I wonder if we'll ever get one from two sky parents." Clarke wonders out loud instead with a shrug, as if reading her thoughts. Lexa smirks.

"I did not want to ask it, but I was thinking the same," she says softly. Clarke turns to her now, a hand on her knee with a gentle squeeze. Her eyes filled with regret.

"I didn't mean to make you hesitant to talk about these things. I know my initial reaction was… not great," she blushes. "But, it's important and it's our life now, we can't avoid this."

Lexa places her hand on top of Clarke's and slots their fingers together. "You're right. Have you talked about this with your mother?"

She nods, "Yeah. Raven even tried working out the statistics but… it's not exactly that easy, even though we know what causes the gene it's not very predictable. Her guess is probably close to accurate though because it's Raven."

Lexa just hums her reply. Before she can offer more insight a particularly raucous shout of _Heda_ pulls her attention back to those around the long table, though she does not let go of Clarke's hand.

Xx

When all the speeches have been given and all the spirits have been consumed and the fires have died down, Lexa takes Clarke's hand and leads her away from the thinning, drunk crowd. They escape down the hidden, back door and down the hallways through the tower leading back to their quarters.

Clarke's shoulders bump against hers as they walk. Though both exhausted, neither of them seem to be in any hurry. Clarke pulls her to a stop in front of a large window. "The moon," she gasps. "It's so big tonight, look." Her free hand points.

The moon seems to take up half the sky. Full and beautiful. Gleaming. Touching everything around it with an ethereal glow.

She pulls Clarke closer. Drops her hand and wraps and arm around her waist. Clarke's head rests on her shoulder with a happy sigh.

"Was it like this on the Ark?" She asks it quietly. She's asked it before, Clarke's life in space is not an uncommon topic. It just happens that Lexa is endlessly fascinated by it - by what she cannot fully comprehend.

"Sometimes. But not really. It didn't change. It was a constant, something we could look to but there wasn't anything to compare it to. Not like this."

Lexa hums and squeezes Clarke's waist, dropping a kiss on her head.

They stand like that for a long time in the moonlight. Arms wrapped around each other. Heartbeats steady, calm. The moon climbs higher in the sky, over the tops of the tallest trees and even higher. Ever forward. Ever up.

Clarke kisses her cheek softly, tugs her face and finds her lips for a gentle kiss. "Ready for bed?" Her warm breath dusts over Lexa's skin and she holds her closer, closer.

"Sha, ai niron."

Clarke finds her hand and twists their fingers together again and they continue back on their journey to their room. To their bed.

To whatever may come next.

**Author's Note:**

> seems i just wasn't done with these two in my canonverse, so here we have it! they just wouldn't leave me alone and i doubt they ever will. thank you to all who helped me along the way with this one, you never leave me hanging and i love that and you.
> 
> i hope you enjoyed!


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